Contractual obligation blog
Apparently as I won the referrals spot prize on Friday (a bottle of wine comes in really handy for a teetotaller) I am contractually obliged to blog, so here goes.
On Saturday night I attended a Gary Keedy 2009 Benefit event at the Cresta Court in Altrincham, at which Andy Flintoff was the star attraction, having flown in from Dubai and waived his fee (what a hero!). I should declare an interest as I am Treasurer of Gary's Benefit Committee. Highly entertaining interview with Mr Flintoff by Dave Roberts, Lancashire and former England physio, with no pedalo or Duncan Fletcher spared. Best story concerned Pakistani tearaway fast bowler Shoaib Akhtar, whom Freddie ill-advisedly sledged "what a shame to look like Tarzan and bowl like Jane". Next ball removed our hero's off stump, an achievement greeted by Shoaib "Aaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaa".
Meanwhile may I also take this opportunity to ask readers' advice as agony aunts and uncles. I have received an e-mail from a soap actress, who will remain unnamed, giving address and phone number and stating "You want anything else you'll have to at least take me for a drink!!" I am a 47-year old married accountant, who describes himself as "the tall blond ugly one with the glasses and the chin". Confirmation of this description was received from an Italian client of mine who responded to this description "Oh yes, I've seen your photo on the website". As such I am unused to receiving such e-mails from young ladies of any description, let alone soap stars. Is this sexual harassment, and if so what should I do about it, never having been sexually harassed before? All (clean) advice gratefully received thank you.
No response yet to my complaint of bullying at Friday's meeting, relating to events at White Hart Lane a week ago yesterday, when Sheldon (& Carl?)'s football team engaged in shameless bullying of mine. My generous offer of a replay on the grounds that Wigan's goal was a clear handball thus appears to have been cruelly spurned.
Still coming to terms with having a night in tonight after sundry church meetings, choir practices, trips to London, licensing ceremonies, trustees' meetings, dinners etc. - first weekday night at home since 11th November! I will need a formal re-introduction to my children.
On the subject of church, if anyone knows a young, enthusiastic Church of England vicar who is good at dealing with teenagers and younger children, I would like to meet him or her, as we have carelessly misplaced our vicar at the moment. Must be prepared to slum it in Hale Barns.
Can't think of anything else to write, so I consider my contractual duties fulfilled.
Mark Simpson (sad, ugly and proud of it)